Unicorns in the Swinger Lifestyle: The Enigmatic Third…

…and Why Everyone Wants One

In the swinging and ethical non-monogamy community, you’ll often hear the term “unicorn.” But what exactly does it mean, why is it called that, and how do unicorns themselves experience this role?

Let’s break it all down, from the origin of the name to why so many couples dream of meeting one — and how you can respectfully approach them.

What Is a Unicorn in the Lifestyle?

In swinging and non-monogamous circles, a unicorn is a single, typically bisexual woman who is open to dating or playing with couples. The term comes from the idea that such women are “rare and magical,” much like the mythical creature, because they are hard to find and highly sought after.

Unicorns are often seen as the “holy grail” of threesomes: open-minded, drama-free, and interested in exploring with established couples.

Why Do Couples Love Unicorns?

For many couples, a unicorn represents:

• An easier way to try group play
• Less threat to the relationship than another couple might pose
• More control over the dynamic
• A chance to live out a bisexual female fantasy

Unicorns are often seen as a safer, more predictable way to spice up a couple’s intimacy, compared to swapping with another couple where both partners might get attached.

What Do Unicorns Prefer — Couples or Solo Men?

While unicorns typically focus on playing with couples — that’s what defines them in lifestyle terms — some unicorns also enjoy solo male partners. However, many unicorns say they feel safer and more respected in couple encounters, because:

• couples tend to communicate boundaries better
• there is usually less pressure for traditional dating
• they like the female-female connection a couple can offer

Still, unicorns are individuals: some are open to solo men, especially if they trust them or want a one-on-one dynamic. Overall though, the lifestyle definition of a unicorn is centered on enjoying experiences with couples, and most unicorns lean toward that dynamic because it feels fun, supported, and adventurous.

What’s It Like for the Unicorn?

It can be empowering and exciting for unicorns — they often get to explore freely, with fewer obligations and plenty of attention. They usually choose couples on their own terms, enjoying the fun, flirty, and sometimes luxurious attention.

But there can be downsides:

• Couples treating them as an accessory instead of a person

• Feeling left out of couple decisions

• Emotional boundaries can get blurry

Unicorns may also face jealousy from other women or negative stereotypes that they “break up relationships,” which is usually unfair.

Unicorns vs. Solo Men: Who Do Couples Prefer?

While unicorns are highly prized, solo men (sometimes nicknamed “bulls”) are also very common in the lifestyle.

Many couples choose unicorns over solo men because:

• A woman may feel more comfortable with another woman
• Less perceived risk of pushy or aggressive behavior
• Fewer worries about jealousy from a male partner

That said, some couples do enjoy solo men, especially if they want a “hotwife” experience — but unicorns tend to be in higher demand.

Are Unicorns Picky?

Yes — and they have every right to be!

A unicorn is usually:

• Looking for respectful, drama-free couples

• Clear on her own boundaries

• Often overwhelmed with attention, so she can afford to choose

Many unicorns will pass on couples who come across as disrespectful, pushy, or disorganized.

How to Approach a Unicorn

✅ Be respectful — she is a full person, not a toy
✅ Communicate clearly — what are you both hoping for?
✅ Be honest — about your relationship’s stability, rules, and experience
✅ Move slowly — unicorns appreciate patience
✅ Offer equal attention — avoid treating her as just a prop for your fantasies
✅ Make her feel safe — discuss boundaries, safe sex, and expectations

Remember, most unicorns choose to play with couples for the fun and adventure — but they will leave quickly if they sense a couple who is disrespectful or unprepared.

Our Final Thoughts on Unicorns

Unicorns truly are a special part of the lifestyle — but they deserve the same respect and consideration as any partner. Treat them kindly, communicate well, and understand their boundaries, and you’ll find that the myth of the unicorn can become a very real, and very rewarding, part of your lifestyle journey.

What About You?

Have you ever played with a unicorn? Are you a unicorn yourself, or would you like to become one? Share your stories, experiences, and preferences below — let’s keep the conversation going!